How did this blog come about you ask? Well…I’ll tell you. I looked in the mirror one day about 6 months ago and I realized there was nothing frivolous or feminine about me anymore. Oh I had bursts of being a lady now and then, but they didn’t last very long. I wore a daily attire of jeans and an oversized man’s flannel shirt. Weighing in at 297 pounds, dresses and I didn’t get along very well. With my broad shoulders and men’s haircut, I usually ended up looking more like Frankenstein in drag.
I tapped at my chin, both of them in fact and they seemed to be progressing nicely. I stripped and gave an even rarer glance at my 53-year-old reflection. A moment or two was about all I could handle. I was beginning to resemble Shamu the killer whale. In my late twenties, early thirties, I had a Marilyn Monroe shaped body. You know, the proverbial hourglass figure where the sand sifted through, measuring 60 minutes worth of time. Oh I still had the same shape, but now my hourglass measured time by the year.
I had, at what point I can not remember, come to realize that middle age is God’s way of showing a sense of humor. I did not particularly find it amusing to discover that middle was when everything started to wear out, fall out or spread out. I did not chuckle when I discovered my clothes no longer fit and I was the one who needed the alterations.
I knew when I retired I was going to travel, but I noticed one day that my body parts began to travel without me. My arms seem to have grown their own wings so no matter what part of the country I was in, I could do it without benefit of train, plane or automobile. My behind didn’t know which way it wanted to go, so it just went east and west.
My triple I breasts began heading South in my late thirties and by this time were at the equator heading for the South Pole. I shouted at my breasts almost on a daily basis “go North you idiots go North!” But alas! They, like most teenagers, never did listen. I gave a deep sigh and tried to remember a time when I had small lively little breasts, when my breasts were high, firm and there was cleavage! I canceled my walk down memory lane when I realized it was too much like exercise and I began getting a headache. “I think tomorrow I will just go out and buy one of those new, lift those bosoms like they're filled with helium bras,” I thought to myself.
It was then that I realized if I wore one of those new fangled things, I’d have a chin rest. A couple of years ago, my doctor had told me to get some exercise, but I told him then, ‘Look Doc, just pushing middle age, is exercise enough.’ I also told him that my idea of weight lifting was simply standing up. I had decided not to take up jogging the year before, when briskly walking caused my thighs to rub together and set my pantyhose on fire. I wasn’t fond of the black eyes either. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are very good friends.
On March 20th of this year, I had a breast reduction with the hopes of easing chronic back pain due to an injury I had recieved one year ago today. My equator bound breasts were now sprightly little petite C cups. I do believe the last time I saw a C was on the top of a paper I had written in junior high! The problem was these perky newly improved chest protrusions looked a bit awkward on my deluxe edition sized body. I began cutting back a little on what I ate. I didn’t change what I ate but I did cut back. Miraculously I lost 33 pounds, only 10 of which was breast.
Being out of work for this past year did a lot of damage financially and unfortunately along with the weight, I lost almost everything else as well. My beloved Francis was the first to go. Although Francis and I had only been acquainted for a year she and I grew very fond of each other very quickly. She carried me everywhere my queen sized heart desired and I in turn lubricated her chasse, rotated her tires and changed her oil every 4 months like clock work.
When I lost my home in June, some very dear friends offered theirs to me as well as their hearts. There was no catch to this offer. None whatsoever. They loved me and wanted to do for me what they felt Jesus would have done. As my contribution to their household I appointed myself as their personal chef and it seems that they have enjoyed with exuberance whatever I have created to date.
This very dear friend whom I now have the pleasure of living with loves to sew. She sews everything from wine holders to doll clothes to one size fits almost everybody pants. I call them Paulie pants. They are the most comfortable looking, lounge around the house or dining in the best of restaurants pants; all in the most delightful colors and patterns that fit every personality, every character and every shape there is. Every shape but mine that is, for I did not fit into the 'almost everybody' category. I was mortified when my measurements were taken and my Paulie pants were made by taping two patterns together.
With this said...I had been thinking about doing a blog for sometime, but I thought no one would really want to listen to my thoughts on politics, religion or the shape of the world. Since I decided after being presented with my own pair of Paulie Pants, as shockingly wonderful as they are, I knew then and there that my love of food had to take a turn for the better or I would take a turn for the worse. I also know me well enough to know that if I just say it and don’t make a commitment to someone else then I won’t really do it. So here it is.
But why publicly? Well, I got to thinking that I may not be the only one whose thoughts generally focus on food. Nor am I the only one who needs to get healthy despite ourselves. If by my sharing my life, my world and my size publicly, help will be brought to even one person then I must do exactly that. So…no matter what your size, hopefully we will all learn together. I’d love to hear your thoughts, insights, complaints, fears and I hope recipes you care to share.
If you’ve liked what you’ve read, I invite you to become one of my followers and maybe even share it with someone whose jollies could use a good chuckle or two now and again.
Showing posts with label travel. Show all posts
Showing posts with label travel. Show all posts
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Nutritional Therapy 101 - A little self-indulgence is good for everyone
Day 1 of the journey to smaller and better things like jeans that fit, or a bathing suit I don't look like a beached whale in. No box, bag or can. Hmmm. How can I do this?
At first I was thinking that breakfast was going to be difficult. I mean most breakfasts come in boxes right? Fruit Loops; Cocoa Puffs; Granola bars; Pop-Tarts; Oreos; even Carnation instant breakfast or Slim Fast (the latter of which by the way goes great with the pop-tarts, Oreos and granola bars). They all come in boxes!
Actually what’s difficult for me is remembering to eat the meal at all. I am usually busy working on this project or that; sending out resumes to places I’d really rather not work but need the job; working on one of the books I’m writing which is the toughest thing for me cuz I have an incredible imagination and am always coming up with new stories, but the hours in each day are not increasing to accommodate all those thoughts swimming around in my head.
Anyway, by around 11:00 AM and 5 or 6 cups of coffee later, my stomach reminds me, none so gently I might add, that I have forgotten it yet again. By the way I’m not so good at punctuation so if I have a participle dangling off the page somewhere, please forgive me.
So...back to breakfast.
Eggs; The perfect meal unto itself. Whether scrambled, poached, fried or baked you can eat this little protein miracle that comes in its own cute little container, all by itself. So for today, since I am preparing the food for a High Tea for 14 this evening and quiche will be served, I think I am going to make an extra one just for me. After all I'm worth a little indulgence now and then aren't I? Aren't you worth it?
Okay. So maybe you can't make it just before you herd your six kids and a harried husband out the door so you can put in 10 hours behind a desk, while daydreaming of the tropical island you found for sale and wish you were on, on The Write Way to Travel web site, but you can make it this weekend right? I mean the kids can forgo the 4-H judging at the county fair this one year, right? Besides, you're not going to eat the whole thing, so however many slices are leftover, they can be individually wrapped and frozen to be taken out any morning of the week when you feel a little self-indulgent.
Basic Pastry Dough
3 cups all-purpose flour
½ teaspoon sea salt
1 cup unsalted butter, chilled and cut in small pieces
2/3 cup chilled water
Place the flour and the salt in the bowl of a food processor and process to mix. Cut the butter in chunks and add it to the flour. Process it, using pulses, until the butter is incorporated into the flour and the mixture looks like coarse cornmeal.
With the food processor running, add the water and process briefly, using pulses, just until the pastry beings to hold together in large clumps. Divide the pastry into two equal portions, placing one of the halves onto a floured work surface and gather it into a ball. Proceed with the following recipe:
Quiche au Fromage
12 large eggs
1 cup heavy cream or crème fraîche
1/3 cup sour cream
2 cup milk (preferably whole)
6 ounces each gruyère, brie, and extra sharp cheddar
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground nutmeg - optional
Roll out the pastry to fit a 10-1/2 inch glass or metal pie plate (NOT removable bottom). Crimp the edges, poke the bottom with a fork or the tip of a sharp knife, and place the pastry in the freezer for 30 minutes.
Preheat the oven to 425°F. Line the pastry with aluminum foil and pastry weights (a bag of beans will do in a pinch, but please take them out of the plastic bag they came in!) and bake in the bottom third of the oven until the pastry is golden at the edges, or about 15 minutes. Remove from the oven and take off the aluminum foil and pastry weights (or beans). Return the pastry to the oven to bake for an additional 5 minutes. Remove from the oven and set aside.
In a medium-sized bowl, whisk together the eggs, cream, and the milk until thoroughly blended. Season with the salt and pepper, then add the cheese and stir until it is blended. Divide the mixture evenly between the pre-baked pastry shells, and spread evenly over the bottom of the pastry. Sprinkle the top with nutmeg and bake in the center of the oven until the filling is golden and puffed, and is completely baked through, about 30 minutes.
To test for doneness, stick a sharp knife blade into the center of the filling and if it comes out clean, the quiche is done. Remove the quiche from the oven and serve immediately.
Now...if this seems like an awful lot of quiche...it is. Remember I was making quiche for 14, but the recipe actually makes enough for 20, so feel free to divide the recipe in half if you just want one.
Oakie Doakie. Talk to you guys later.
At first I was thinking that breakfast was going to be difficult. I mean most breakfasts come in boxes right? Fruit Loops; Cocoa Puffs; Granola bars; Pop-Tarts; Oreos; even Carnation instant breakfast or Slim Fast (the latter of which by the way goes great with the pop-tarts, Oreos and granola bars). They all come in boxes!
Actually what’s difficult for me is remembering to eat the meal at all. I am usually busy working on this project or that; sending out resumes to places I’d really rather not work but need the job; working on one of the books I’m writing which is the toughest thing for me cuz I have an incredible imagination and am always coming up with new stories, but the hours in each day are not increasing to accommodate all those thoughts swimming around in my head.
Anyway, by around 11:00 AM and 5 or 6 cups of coffee later, my stomach reminds me, none so gently I might add, that I have forgotten it yet again. By the way I’m not so good at punctuation so if I have a participle dangling off the page somewhere, please forgive me.
So...back to breakfast.
Eggs; The perfect meal unto itself. Whether scrambled, poached, fried or baked you can eat this little protein miracle that comes in its own cute little container, all by itself. So for today, since I am preparing the food for a High Tea for 14 this evening and quiche will be served, I think I am going to make an extra one just for me. After all I'm worth a little indulgence now and then aren't I? Aren't you worth it?
Okay. So maybe you can't make it just before you herd your six kids and a harried husband out the door so you can put in 10 hours behind a desk, while daydreaming of the tropical island you found for sale and wish you were on, on The Write Way to Travel web site, but you can make it this weekend right? I mean the kids can forgo the 4-H judging at the county fair this one year, right? Besides, you're not going to eat the whole thing, so however many slices are leftover, they can be individually wrapped and frozen to be taken out any morning of the week when you feel a little self-indulgent.
Basic Pastry Dough
3 cups all-purpose flour
½ teaspoon sea salt
1 cup unsalted butter, chilled and cut in small pieces
2/3 cup chilled water
Place the flour and the salt in the bowl of a food processor and process to mix. Cut the butter in chunks and add it to the flour. Process it, using pulses, until the butter is incorporated into the flour and the mixture looks like coarse cornmeal.
With the food processor running, add the water and process briefly, using pulses, just until the pastry beings to hold together in large clumps. Divide the pastry into two equal portions, placing one of the halves onto a floured work surface and gather it into a ball. Proceed with the following recipe:
Quiche au Fromage
12 large eggs
1 cup heavy cream or crème fraîche
1/3 cup sour cream
2 cup milk (preferably whole)
6 ounces each gruyère, brie, and extra sharp cheddar
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground nutmeg - optional
Roll out the pastry to fit a 10-1/2 inch glass or metal pie plate (NOT removable bottom). Crimp the edges, poke the bottom with a fork or the tip of a sharp knife, and place the pastry in the freezer for 30 minutes.
Preheat the oven to 425°F. Line the pastry with aluminum foil and pastry weights (a bag of beans will do in a pinch, but please take them out of the plastic bag they came in!) and bake in the bottom third of the oven until the pastry is golden at the edges, or about 15 minutes. Remove from the oven and take off the aluminum foil and pastry weights (or beans). Return the pastry to the oven to bake for an additional 5 minutes. Remove from the oven and set aside.
In a medium-sized bowl, whisk together the eggs, cream, and the milk until thoroughly blended. Season with the salt and pepper, then add the cheese and stir until it is blended. Divide the mixture evenly between the pre-baked pastry shells, and spread evenly over the bottom of the pastry. Sprinkle the top with nutmeg and bake in the center of the oven until the filling is golden and puffed, and is completely baked through, about 30 minutes.
To test for doneness, stick a sharp knife blade into the center of the filling and if it comes out clean, the quiche is done. Remove the quiche from the oven and serve immediately.
Now...if this seems like an awful lot of quiche...it is. Remember I was making quiche for 14, but the recipe actually makes enough for 20, so feel free to divide the recipe in half if you just want one.
Oakie Doakie. Talk to you guys later.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
REAL Women DON'T Diet
Have you ever really taken a good look at all the hundreds of diets out there and thought...surely you jest?
I have heard it said that you are what you eat. Let me just say that if you sink your hard earned money into one of these ‘we’ll get you skinny if it kills you’ diets, then you are probably a rump roast.
I mean come on, there's Jenny Craig...LA Weight Loss...Nutri-system...Bob Greene…to name an insignificant few of the ones that cost you the most amount of money per pound.
And let us not forget of course the oh so ever popular Oprah Diet of the month club. I mean get real. If Oprah can't get it right who can? I'm not knocking Oprah. Believe me I'm not, but if Oprah with everything she has at her disposal can not loose weight and keep it off, then how do we, the average Jane, know which will work for us? Eeny, Meany, Miny, Moe?
Do you choose the one where you not only have to weigh yourself in front of another human being who is not dressed in a white coat with a stethoscope hanging around her neck, but you also have to weigh every morsel that passes your lips or count each item in the fat-free, taste-free category…I HATE SCALES...I don't have time for scales...When it comes to snack time, by golly, if I want fruit, I am going to eat more than just 12 raisins, I don't care if that is a full serving.
There's the one that matches your personality. Well…I’m fat and sassy and I don’t know about you, but most diets stay away from fat and I have never heard of a sassy diet.
One where you eat only grains and no protein…I tried that one once and gave it up when I started whinnying.
If all else fails, there is a diet that caters (no pun intended) to your blood type...Well what if you don't know your blood type? But I did so I looked into it anyway, and it said I should eat nothing but grains. Once more, I am not a horse.
And of course there is the constantly in the news, all you can eat beef, pork or chicken diet...Oh PULEEZE! Again you can eat a pound of bacon but you can’t have an apple. Make sense to you or am I the only idiot who doesn’t get it?
So what now? I have no clue but I will tell you about something someone said to me years ago that I have never forgotten.
I had a customer come into my store every single day. A little guy from Korea; Just the cutest thing; Anyway…He would buy his one item, pay for it; bow and leave.
One day he came in and as he was paying for it he said “It’s my birthday today.”
“It is? Well happy birthday.”
“Tell me how old am I missus.”
I am horrible at the age game and I didn’t want to offend him. What if I was wrong? Oh well. I’d give it the old college try.
“52 maybe?” I cringed thinking perhaps he was one of those old looking 45 year olds. He just smiled, so I knew I had under guessed by a few years.
“I have lived 84 years today,” he beamed.
“Yeah right” I said. There was no way I was off by 32 years. He just smiled and nodded and I knew he wasn't lying. “What’s your secret?” I asked.
“I eat only what is given from God.” Well, I am not really sure what that meant but it’ always stuck with me just the same.
So here I am six years later, an overweight, out of work pastry chef, creating a blog that probably no one will read, wondering what do I do with the rest of my life?
Do I start one of those ‘I’ll try it, but will more than likely forget about it by the end of the week’ fad diets anyway? Probably not. Do I binge on the half gallon of homemade Piña Coloda ice cream I have hidden from my roommates in the freezer? Probably shouldn’t.
The truth is I love food too much to diet. I am not disciplined enough to diet and have absolutely no desire to go on a diet.
So tomorrow maybe I'll try to start getting younger.
I don't know if this is really what the old man meant (by the way, his name is Hal), but my take on it is…if it comes in a bag, a box or a can, you shouldn't eat it. Of course there are exceptions to even that rule for me. I mean I am a huge milk drinker and as much as I am an animal lover too, I can’t just bring home an udder. Ya know? But we will learn about these as we go along.
Tomorrow, August 13th, 2009 this 5 foot 8 inch 264 pound chef is going to give up everything that isn’t real. For the next 107 pounds I will share the good the bad and the ugly with you as well as the recipes I’ll create ‘out of the box’.
I have heard it said that you are what you eat. Let me just say that if you sink your hard earned money into one of these ‘we’ll get you skinny if it kills you’ diets, then you are probably a rump roast.
I mean come on, there's Jenny Craig...LA Weight Loss...Nutri-system...Bob Greene…to name an insignificant few of the ones that cost you the most amount of money per pound.
And let us not forget of course the oh so ever popular Oprah Diet of the month club. I mean get real. If Oprah can't get it right who can? I'm not knocking Oprah. Believe me I'm not, but if Oprah with everything she has at her disposal can not loose weight and keep it off, then how do we, the average Jane, know which will work for us? Eeny, Meany, Miny, Moe?
Do you choose the one where you not only have to weigh yourself in front of another human being who is not dressed in a white coat with a stethoscope hanging around her neck, but you also have to weigh every morsel that passes your lips or count each item in the fat-free, taste-free category…I HATE SCALES...I don't have time for scales...When it comes to snack time, by golly, if I want fruit, I am going to eat more than just 12 raisins, I don't care if that is a full serving.
There's the one that matches your personality. Well…I’m fat and sassy and I don’t know about you, but most diets stay away from fat and I have never heard of a sassy diet.
One where you eat only grains and no protein…I tried that one once and gave it up when I started whinnying.
If all else fails, there is a diet that caters (no pun intended) to your blood type...Well what if you don't know your blood type? But I did so I looked into it anyway, and it said I should eat nothing but grains. Once more, I am not a horse.
And of course there is the constantly in the news, all you can eat beef, pork or chicken diet...Oh PULEEZE! Again you can eat a pound of bacon but you can’t have an apple. Make sense to you or am I the only idiot who doesn’t get it?
So what now? I have no clue but I will tell you about something someone said to me years ago that I have never forgotten.
I had a customer come into my store every single day. A little guy from Korea; Just the cutest thing; Anyway…He would buy his one item, pay for it; bow and leave.
One day he came in and as he was paying for it he said “It’s my birthday today.”
“It is? Well happy birthday.”
“Tell me how old am I missus.”
I am horrible at the age game and I didn’t want to offend him. What if I was wrong? Oh well. I’d give it the old college try.
“52 maybe?” I cringed thinking perhaps he was one of those old looking 45 year olds. He just smiled, so I knew I had under guessed by a few years.
“I have lived 84 years today,” he beamed.
“Yeah right” I said. There was no way I was off by 32 years. He just smiled and nodded and I knew he wasn't lying. “What’s your secret?” I asked.
“I eat only what is given from God.” Well, I am not really sure what that meant but it’ always stuck with me just the same.
So here I am six years later, an overweight, out of work pastry chef, creating a blog that probably no one will read, wondering what do I do with the rest of my life?
Do I start one of those ‘I’ll try it, but will more than likely forget about it by the end of the week’ fad diets anyway? Probably not. Do I binge on the half gallon of homemade Piña Coloda ice cream I have hidden from my roommates in the freezer? Probably shouldn’t.
The truth is I love food too much to diet. I am not disciplined enough to diet and have absolutely no desire to go on a diet.
So tomorrow maybe I'll try to start getting younger.
I don't know if this is really what the old man meant (by the way, his name is Hal), but my take on it is…if it comes in a bag, a box or a can, you shouldn't eat it. Of course there are exceptions to even that rule for me. I mean I am a huge milk drinker and as much as I am an animal lover too, I can’t just bring home an udder. Ya know? But we will learn about these as we go along.
Tomorrow, August 13th, 2009 this 5 foot 8 inch 264 pound chef is going to give up everything that isn’t real. For the next 107 pounds I will share the good the bad and the ugly with you as well as the recipes I’ll create ‘out of the box’.
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